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Reading advice columns

Advice columns are a very popular and entertaining part of the newspaper. They are usually easy to understand and can make for interesting reading indeed. The language in advice columns is usually rather informal, almost like spoken English. It can be quite emotional, even angry at times, especially in the letters sent in by readers. Columnists, on the other hand, try to remain less emotional and more reasonable in their replies.

Most people who write to advice columns are seeking opinions on anything from personal and family problems to proper social behaviour (etiquette). There are also many who write in to comment on other people’s letters. This can lead to some lively debate, as you will see in the exchange of letters about making friends on the Internet below.

The Bangkok Post carries three advice columns in the Outlook section of the paper: Ann Landers, Dear Abby and Miss Manners.

Ann Landers and Dear Abby offer advice on everyday problems while Miss Manners gives readers advice on correct etiquette.

Many of the problems discussed are universal (found everywhere) and are easily understood. But the problems are also complex enough to be interesting and, at times, controversial.

The columnist's responses are just as interesting. While many of the suggestions are easily make sense, others may cause you to rethink some of your own ideas and opinions. Sometimes, too, the advice may seem overly American and inappropriate for other cultures which have different ways of dealing with problems. So feel free to disagree with Ann Landers, Dear Abby or Miss Manners. However, you should have a good reason for doing so and be prepared to discuss that with friends or classmates.

We have included two examples below for you to try out. There are also some reading tips to help you.

Dear Ann Landers: This is in response to “California Heartbreak", who said his wife of 18 years left him for a man she met on the Internet. Sister, I can relate to that! My ex-husband did the same thing to me, literally—he left me for a man.

We had a good, solid marriage, or so I thought—13 years and two great kids. When "Al" first bought his computer, he spent a lot of time with it. He wanted to check it out to see how it worked.

As time went by, he spent more and more time on the Internet, "downloading games and programs for the kids,” he said. I believed him. There was no reason not to.

When Al began to stay up to 3 and 4 a.m. on the Internet, I began to wonder what was going on, but I had no clue as to the seriousness of it. I came home from work one day, and Al was gone. There was a note on the table saying, "Have left to be with Larry, my on-line friend. I hope you will understand."

West Coaster

Dear W.C: I’m sorry about your sad experience, but perhaps you will feel better when I tell you what happened to a bride in Alexandria, Virginia.

Margaret Anne Hunter was married four months when she discovered the man she had married was a woman. She met Thorne Groves on-line in an Internet chat room and fell for him hook, line and sinker. Hunter is seeking an annulment and has filed a US$575,000 lawsuit against her husband for fraud and to recover the cost of the lavish wedding put on by her parents.

She said the reason they did not have sex was because he told her he had AIDS. They did some high-school-type necking, she said, and he fooled her by wearing a prosthetic penis.

Occasionally, people accuse me of making up letters. Who would make up anything to compare with what goes on in real life?

The next letter gives a bit of balance to the Internet scene:

Dear Ann: I agree that computer chat lines can be addictive. You wind up on-line for three hours instead of the 20 minutes you had planned. And, yes, they can be dangerous. If you agree to meet an on-line pal in person, bring at least two friends along and make sure the meeting is at a very public place.

Granted there are hazards, but the Internet can also bring love. My boyfriend and I met on a chat line four months ago. We sent e-mail several times a day and "chatted" whenever our schedules permitted.

After two weeks, we exchanged phone numbers and discovered we had a lot in common. We then decided to meet in person. I knew instantly that I had made the right choice. The chemistry was perfect. We’ve been dating ever since. I have met his parents, and he has met mine.

Our relationship is strong because it is based on mutual interests and long-term goals. Our personalities mesh, and we are wonderfully compatible.

So, please, Ann, stop bashing the Internet. It’s not for everyone, but for some of us, it can bring true love. It certainly did for me.

Totally Happy in New York

Dear Totally: It sounds beautiful. I wish you and your cyber-soulmate a lifetime of happiness.

Reading tips

Look to see if the letter is a request for advice or a comment on a previous letter.
If it is a request for advice, read carefully to understand the letter writer’s problem and what advice is requested.
If it is a comment, try to find out what it is commenting on. Is it giving some advice of its own on a previous writer’s problem? Is it commenting on the advice given by the columnist?
Read the advice given. Do you agree with it? Is it appropriate for your culture? Would you give different advice?
Since the language in advice columns in informal, particulary in the Ann Landers and Dear Abby, you can expect to find many idioms. Thus, watch for strange, hard-to-understand phrases. Chances are they will be idioms. To find out what they mean, try looking up their meanings under one or more of the words that make them up.